Irish Air Rage - Recently Updated Pages

Airport Shopping

jesk — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:15:26 CDT

Do they expect us to buy this tat? Leprechauns, shillelaghs & Guinness polo shirts? Judas Priest.

Bookshops

Airport Bestsellers:

Dalkey Ditch Water - Maeve Binchy
The al-Qaeda Very Dangerous Book For Boys – O.S. Ama (see what I've done there?)
The Life-Changing Power Of You – Some Yank You’ve Never Heard Of
Old Rope Angst - Cecelia Ahern
So Very Tired – Stephen King
Harry Potter And The Abs Diet For Women – JK (I Need A Man Now) Rowling
The Regurgitation – John Grisham
Who dares, Gets His Ass Handed To Him - Andy McNab
Rehashes & Sequels - Dan Brown
More Friggin’ Sudoko

I know we’re on holiday and the brain’s in neutral, but bloody hell…

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Check in

jesk — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:07:17 CDT

Usual carry on (no, I don’t do puns):

One (recently trained) girl operating one desk that 190 people (only a 737-800 capacity) plus luggage will have to travail. 40 mins of shuffling thru limbo, followed by a frantic dash to the second desk that another slip of a thing has condescended to open.

Once at the desk, your intelligence is further insulted by the asking of incredibly stupid & personal questions. It is then down to you to resist the almost unbearable temptation to crack wise (notorious sense of humour-free zone).

Automated express check in is the only way to go, but these are not widespread.

Failing that, what ever happened to bar codes by the way?? Can they not process us using this proven technology, and remove the need for incessant typing on ancient Wangs and fluting around with forms and tags from another era?

Recently I joined a check in queue thankfully opposite one where 4 whip-thin teenagers were trying to get 2 tandem push-bikes with loaded panniers through to the hold; the biblical scene (wailing, teeth-gnashing, garment-rending) playing out behind them was something to see.

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Aer Lingus

jesk — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 06:29:50 CDT

A semi-state that cannot seem to get it right, even when provide with an example in the form of the Ryanair model: RTE News Aug 07

“Higher fuel prices, pay bills and airport charges have led to a substantial fall in profits at Aer Lingus in the first six months of this year (2007)”.

Of course Ryanair seem to manage OK in identical circumstances: Daily Mail Aug 07

Also, now that the shoe is very much on the other foot, AL seems to dislike encroachment from the competition: RTE News Oct 07

On a positive note, the female uniform is sexy in a Blaheen, St. Bridget's Cross kind of way. Does that make me a perv? So be it...

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Dublin Airport 2

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:32:53 CDT

I strongly suspect the DAA would try to justify most of the preceding using the ongoing development work there as an excuse; but pyramids must surely have been constructed quicker, having a built-in deadline (so to speak) for their regal sponsor.

The frantic game of catch-up must cease: design and build for 50 years out, as Ireland drags itself from one century to the next. The advent of the Airbus A380, for instance, has not yet been mentioned in this context, although, of all the Irish airports, only Shannon has a long enough runway to handle this monster at the moment.

But as it’s capable of disgorging up to 600 passengers at one shot, I would seriously question the rest of Shannon’s ability to cope.

Soooo:

Future:

The seeds of further chaos are already sown; T2 will be built with no additional external road traffic handling capacity to service it: Irish Independent Aug 07 & 30 Aug 07

Capacity planning is just not up to snuff: Irish Independent Sept 07

Good grief, Charley Brown.

Ryanair recognise a monopoly when they see it: Irish Independent Aug 30 07

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Shannon Airport

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:28:53 CDT

1. With the indulgence of Brian McDermott at Odyssey Of Quotes (superb website by the way, I highly recommend a browse), Eoghan H hits it out of the park:

"Neutrality means we sit on the fence, protected by America and the RAF in case of war, consuming a free lunch as far as foreign policy is concerned. Do we really believe that this kind of politically sluttish behaviour does not, at some level, diminish our sense of reality and damage our self respect?"
- Eoghan Harris, "Sunday Independent"

I swear that if this airport existed only to transport American troops we should be glad to host it, to pay something back to the country that literally saved this continent from itself on three separate occasions. At great intrinsic human and $ cost into the bargain (my view only, not necessarily Brian’s). Irish Independent Nov 04

More quality at: Odyssey of Quotes

2. With the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1989, the nineties were a rough period as Aeroflot scaled back their flights, and therefore their fuel stop-overs on the way to Castro’s Cuba. Also reduced was the very lucrative business of respraying and maintenance of all the various Antanovs, Ilyushins, and Tupolevs that berthed there (incidentally, the looney left had no problem with the Evil Empire™ using Shannon, in spite of the teeming Gulags of the time; ah well guys, there’s always Putin: The Guardian Aug 07).

3. 9/11 was another hit for Shannon & the region: Irish Independent Dec 01.

4. Only recently repealed has been the contrived, anti-competitive and traveller unfriendly compulsory stopover in this God forsaken spot: Wiki link. Possibly illegal as well, now that I think about it. I am paraphrasing a related personal experience of an announcement prior to disembarking at Shannon, but not by a great deal: “Be sure not to leave any valuables on the aircraft, especially your wallets and purses”. Leprechaun-related tat anyone?

5. Recently (Late September 2006) the only bar on the Irish side of security closed due to mismanagement. Irish Independent
I put it to you, that if you can’t make a go of a bar at an Irish airport, you should be in a rubber room.

6. Only bar on the other side of security is filthy, ill-tended and incredibly expensive. (and does not serve Heineken, IMHO the third reason why Amsterdam is cool)

7. Only newsagent / bookshop / drugstore on the Irish side of security closes at 9:30 pm. WTF??

8. A recent trip via Treviso Airport in northern Italy confirmed with me that it is a good example of how a small airport should be run. Might even be worth the tax-payer cost of a junket for the powers that be in Shannon to see how Ryanair money should be spent.

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Environment

jesk — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 06:44:19 CDT

The bandwagon rolls on: RTE Sept 07

In spite of Climbdown?

Ryanair were recently “rapped” by the self-styled guardians of public information, the Advertising Standards Agency: ETA July 07

Well, is it global or not? Hint: I think the clue is in the name…

BTW, did you notice lately that the term “Global Warming” has fallen out of favour with eco-mentalists? All weather, good, bad or indifferent, can now be attributed to their crazy cause if “Climate Change” is used instead. I will continue to use the earlier term as an “inconvenient truth” once the whole vested interest, self-perpetuating premise of human caused GW is finally debunked.

But what will really marginalise the eco-mentalists is their new hobbyhorse, insistence on vegetarianism, as, apparently, meat production is by far a bigger generator of green-house gasses (via the digestive tracts of farm animals) than air-travel:

Daily Telegraph Sept 07

There is also the "giant yellow orb in the sky" (what my kids call it on the rare occasions that it appears from the murk) that we know so little about:

Daily Telegraph July 07

I do not place too much faith in climate models, as you might guess, but for people who do:
Ice caps on the planet Mars are shrinking at a similar rate to Earth's: National Geographic News Feb 07. Last time I looked there were only 2 cars on Mars, and both of them are solar powered...BBC News Jan 06

What ever happened to Acid Rain, the New Ice Age, the Fossil fuels crisis of the 70’s & 80’s? I find myself quite nostalgic for all such older baloney now.

Hypocrisy corner:

Swampy does one back to mommy, rather than sleep with the troops:
http://www.uk-airport-news.info/heathrow-airport-news-190807a.htm

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I hate Irish Airports

jesk — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 17:06:32 CDT

Reasons I created this site:

Just returned from a brief holiday with the missus.
Trip was to get away briefly from the burgeoning unpleasantness in Irish society / horizontal rain (allegedly brought on by the very airline I used).
The holiday went really well, and once the 4 hour wait at the airport was complete, the destinations more than lived up to their promise.
Got me thinking about the subject headings listed in the following pages.
As with my partner site, Irish Road Rage, content might offend but that's OK with you guys, right?

Miscellaneous Security Stories

jesk — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 03:43:17 CDT

Actor Ed Harris questioned for 5 hours in Heathrow over knife in hand luggage:
http://www.uk-airport-news.info/heathrow-airport-news-080807b.htm

Security shambles re female frisking in Shannon: http://archives.tcm.ie/businesspost/2005/07/24/story6649.asp

7 year old Lancashire lad mistaken for 39 year old terror-suspect by airport security: http://www.uk-airport-news.info/manchester-airport-news-210807a.htm

Recent security run-in, albeit in Heathrow, and very worrying content re curtailment of freedom: http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,1717661,00.html

This in the light of BAA getting it’s knuckles rapped by IATA re service levels: http://www.uk-airport-news.info/heathrow-airport-news-100807a.htm

Another reason not to visit Spain (apart from all the Irish & British tattoo place-holders clogging up the Costa's): Irish Independent Sept 07

Good Aussie piss-take of airport security down-under:

Upshot

jesk — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:25:49 CDT

Sane people like travel (it broadens the mind, apparently)
Most people like air travel (genuine phobias aside)
Flying is safe. US Bureau of Transportation statistics: http://www.bts.gov/publications/national_transportation_statistics/excel/table_02_01.xls
I like Ryanair (no really!)

All the government can do is manage the demand that these facts generate in the best way they can, for lack of a pithier phrase, by greasing the wheels of commerce. This will facilitate a long suffering public, who will vote with their feet as usual.

Sane people hate airports (mainly for the points laboured in the various sectioned above)
The less time they have to spend in them the happier these voters will be.
The sooner Ryanair go long haul the better. €50 return to New York? Where do I sign?

There may exist a sort of free-flow model for airports, whose primary purpose would be to minimise the time travellers spent there. All operational parameters of such a place would be first & foremost concerned with the throughput of bodies.

Bring on the day brothers & sisters, ‘cause the 1st world has well and truly caught the low airfare bug. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6970730.stm

God bless & happy landings.

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PAs

jesk — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:19:51 CDT

NOW HEAR THIS!!

“last and final boarding call”: Lady, you yourself are the only redundancy required.

Just off-load their luggage, don’t haunt the rest of hell’s creation about it.

Don’t you know how you sound when you force the mic to your slap-covered lips, and scream mispronounced surnames all over the facility?

A bit studenty but respect all the same: Bogus announcements

THAT IS ALL.

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Security

jesk — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:18:01 CDT

Airlines do not like the security restrictions imposed by government (anti-business): UK Airport News July 07

For safety reasons? How about these stats:

Number of major terrorist attacks committed world-wide between these key dates: 11 September 01 & 11 July 05: 8
Number of these 8 involving aircraft of any type: 0
Number of these 8 involving Ireland: 0

See: The Guardian July 05

In fact, the only successful attack on an airplane in Ireland since 9/11 occurred when anti-Iraqi war loopers damaged a US C-130 at Shannon in 2003: RTE Jan 03

These vandals were actually found “not guilty of causing unlawful damage” by an Irish court. Now I’m no legalese expert, but the basic math of two negatives cancelling themselves out means that these shiftless wasters were “guilty of causing lawful damage”; court sanctioned hooliganism. Hmmmm… ABC News July 06

This led to the only US retreat of the campaign, temporarily relocating from Shannon to Prestwick, Scotland. Ciaran, Mary, are your mothers proud of you? They are?? Then tell them to read this: 9/11 Tribute to the Irish killed that day

Yes, it’s been 6 years since that murderous, tragic day. Those fascistic bastards have other worries now, and not a virgin in sight, hopefully something like: The Onion Sept 01

But notwithstanding the lack of any further aviation casualties caused by terrorists, security is tighter than ever at airports around the globe. Consider the following:

Dublin: Dublin Airport Security page

Baby-food, for the love of God: EU specifics

Speaking of God, how about this one? Holy water on Lourdes flights is now being confiscated: Irish Independent Aug 07

At the risk of sounding like Richard Littlejohn, imagine the uproar if Islamic relics from Mecca were forcibly confiscated.

IMHO, this is starting to smack of cultural cowardice in the face of the enemy.

Finally some sanity: Irish Independent Sept 07. Listen to the unions moan about that one, as staffing levels are reduced...

However, for now, shoes & belts still have to be removed to facilitate the Jobsworths; shoelaces might be next. Airport queues would then resemble the inbound line to San Quentin. Only less happy.

What really grates, though, is the sheer sanctimony that these needle-dicks and their proponents can muster. Any protests or dissents to the charade of modern airport transit is met with withering threats of forced removal, and believe me they mean it. One whistle from them and you’ll have a HK up your nostril before you can say “ah ok, keep the nail-clippers”.

The BAA (no sheep jokes please) have recently crystallised the insanity into a warning sign, telling passengers not to berate or hit their staff; a very handy reminder, thanks guys. I will post a picture of this one as soon as I have one.

Miscellaneous Security Stories

Dublin Airport 1

jesk — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:12:37 CDT

I believe that Dublin Airport Authority should be heavily censured for the following:

At the moment (as of Sept 07), a 1,000m walk awaits between replacing your shoes and belt, and your airplane, without the aid of travelators. Out-bounders then reach:

A Portocabin that serves as the third apron hub. Aircraft are regularly refuelled 20 metres from this humanity-stuffed tinderbox. Are they fucking kidding me?

Inability to operate clean toilet facilities for it’s “customers”. My last abiding memory of the bog on the check in floor (May 07) featured 3mm of toilet water on the floor of the whole WC, along with what remained of any paper.

One of their sub-contractors recently clamped an ambulance that was on call at the terminal. The crew was busy saving a life inside when some ferret-faced enemy of the people immobilised it. Still, they refunded the money, so that’s ok. You could not write this: Find Articles, Business Feb 05

Car parking prices

Slack-jawed scowling wasters masquerading as “courtesy” bus drivers. Get a job you like, why don't you?

Direction signs around the campus are the worst kind of joke; the NRA have nothing on these guys. See also: Irish Road Rant, NRA

Baggage trolleys are from the Montgolfier era. They seem sane enough on a test run sans luggage, but once loaded will prove more tiring than actually dragging the bags with your teeth.

They say that first impressions count. What the world must think of us…

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Airport Car Parks

jesk — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 03:38:25 CDT

High prices (looking more and more disproportionate as airfares fall and subsidised car hire becomes more prevalent):

Dublin - €119 for 14 days · DAA Car Park charges page

Shannon - €119 for 14 days! · Shannon Car Parking page

BTW, why should these charges be the same, given the provincial nature of Shannon?

Road signage, or more accurately, lack thereof.

Notice or any indication a Long Term area is full is only obtained by actually going there; a serious consideration in Dublin’s mental traffic.

Gravel surfaces in Dublin’s long terms. Also, no parking bay lines. For more on Ireland's ridiculous parking, see Irish Road Rant

Usually no trolleys available, or, infuriatingly, not spread around the car park judiciously. Actually only available at the “courtesy” bus stops where you have no need for them if outbound, or, if inbound:

What use is a trolley anyway when the car park surface is gravel, you fuckin’ muppets? Even suitcase wheels are rendered useless.

Poxy weather, regularly drowned on the way to the car: so build some multistories!

Ryanair

jesk — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 03:28:33 CDT

An incredible Irish success story that is begrudged at every turn. Lets ask ourselves why:

1. Confrontational, pejorative style in their dealings with “old Ireland” institutions. e.g. Leinster House, trade unions, Aer Lingus, Aer Rianta (supposedly defunct, but ideology is alive and well).

2. They have the audacity as a European airline to buy American, as opposed to from Airbus. An aside: I much prefer traveling by Boeing; you simply cannot beat the experience of a company that produced products that were regularly pummeled by flack during the unpleasantness of ’39 to ’45, as opposed to a plastic kite dreamed up by some latte-sipping surrender monkey in Toulouse.

3. In-your-face advertising, usually quite rightly having a pop at the opposition’s price-fixing, tardiness, baggage lost figures or the UK or Irish governments: BBC News Aug 06

4. Regularly cocks a snoot at the confidence trick that is the alleged human causation of “Global Warming”.

5. Anti-elitist. Practically free travel for the masses.

6. Funny, you never hear the champagne socialists defending such a laudable public transport success (powered by capitalism, not their half-baked notions, of course).

7. A high profile (and, lets be honest, a little bit nutty) CEO. Wiki Bio

8. Incredibly expensive in-flight food & drink: thisismoney.co.uk. But their purchase is not mandatory.

9. Jealousy? They operate a very young, if not the youngest fleet in Europe, and are expanding: Flug Revue Aug 07

10. Last but not least, they are rapidly turning themselves into a world-beater, and that just does not sit well with old world mindsets.

The company that should be a proud boast, but is instead more often than not used as a punch line.

For example, €20 return for 2 people to a destination 1,600 km away? And most of that goes to the government in tax? Where else can you get that kind of value this side of an Albanian brothel? Jesus, they can keep my bags at those prices…

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Feedback

jesk — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 17:41:47 CDT

Now I invite you, the public of Ireland, to submit your opinions on my subjective ravings.

Perhaps you have a tale to tell regarding your own experiences in the airports of this fair land.
Perhaps you want to have a pop, or slam dunk any of my views.

You’re welcome, so please use the "Add a Comment" button below to do so. You know it makes sense...

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Irish Blogs.ie

Air Travel

jesk — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 17:02:50 CDT

Premise: Airport staff represent the highest concentration of buffoonery in Western Europe.

Reasons to fly from Ireland:

to get out of this shitty climate for even a short while. Heathrow Airport News July 07
to attain sufficient distance from this dysfunctional island to reach a country that enjoys a touch of class, sophistication and genuine public safety.
to find prices for everyday goods (ok booze) that don’t make your teeth itch.
to meet people that smile on occasion.
to research your permanent escape: Irish Independent Aug 07

Reasons to fly to Ireland

er….
See 1.

Context

With thanks to Des O'Malley: Progressive Democrats address By Dr Sean Barrett

Prior to this watershed, a round-trip between Dublin & London could set you back as much as €1,500 (adjusted to today’s prices). €1,500? The Vikings did it cheaper.

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